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Dr. Credit King Credit Connection

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Israel Sukhanov
Israel Sukhanov

Surface - Shower Me With Your Love 23

One could wonder, then, how someone would find such an individual, someone who embodies these characteristics, attractive. Well, studies show (Brown, 2013) that people with narcissism market themselves in attractive, deceptive packages. They may present with a swagger, intense eye contact, false bravado/charm, knock-your-socks-off seduction (often learned by neurolinguistic programming (NLP) programs or online seduction programs), swift pacing of rushing the relationship into commitment/cohabitation/marriage/business partnership, promising a future together (which is later discovered to be a lie), intense sexual chemistry, love-bombing (repetitive texting, emailing, phone calls), or romancing the target excessively (flowers, etc).

Surface - Shower Me With Your Love 23

Sexual chemistry is not the same thing as healthy bonding and attachment. A healthy person will want to get to know your personality, dreams, and interests, and slowly evolve the relationship. An individual with narcissistic tendencies may also want to know all about you, but then may fake being your soul mate by rushing you into consenting to a relationship/marriage/cohabitation/business arrangement (Hotchkiss, 2010).

If you have encountered an individual who seems to display these qualities, or are considering leaving a relationship with a similar person, it is in your best interests to get yourself out of the relationship as quickly as possible. People with narcissistic characteristics may be prone to causing harm by invading personal boundaries, lying about future possibilities in relationships, engaging in abuse, and exhibiting no empathy or remorse for emotional harm they have done.

Paul, your wife sounds VERY much like my own. We could never disagree, someone always had to be right, and it was always her. She would escalate any argument more and more until I found myself giving in from exhaustion. She would try to get involved with my friends and family, but then make an enemy of anyone I was close to (my brother and mother for example).

Thanks. I was with my narc husband for 20years. I am so glad there is a name for it and I am not crazy. My children have suffered and still love last relationship was the same. I did not know. Thanks,this has given me hope.

I think the main issue is there is a fundamental lack of empathy and without that there is a lack of core bonding. And where they feel no pain for hurting you or considering your feelings there is nothing stopping them hurting you, because they simply dont feel it, or realise it, such is the emotional deadness and emotional immaturity.

Although I did find your article accurate, you cannot possibly imagine what it is like to be in a relationship, or have a child with a malignant narcissist.As a therapist myself, I can honestly say that watching someone else go through it is nothing in comparison to living it.

6. A little over a year ago, she found out he was having an affair. This was devastating to her on so many levels. Apparently he had known the woman for 6 years. She felt she had lost her best friend, husband, her rock, her everything in one blow. It challenged everything she thought about love, marriage, everything. In the months after the discovery, she would often go stay in a hotel by herself with a candle and drink by herself rather than be in the house with him. She stopped having sex with him.

Leslie, many colleges have counseling services that are available at low or no cost to current students. Check with your university health service. There are therapists who do low or no cost counseling, too.

The one thing that still holds me to believe he had some sort of heart was how big of a mess he was breaking up with me, he was sobbing, and kept apologizing and said he still loved me. It was a big cluster fuck of emotions.

BPD people are at the mercy of their over reaching and over active emotions, with a large touch of seeing the world as a cynical and untrustable place thrown in. Our largest problem is an exisistential fear of abandonement. we are stuck in that spiritual development of not feeling lovable and with thenfatlistic view that whatever love we do feel that we will lose it. BPD hurt others only secondary to intense fear of abandonement and the pain that it evokes. They often feel extreme guilt and empathy days, weeks or even months later for the hurt they cause over reacting to this fear.

Needless to say he broke up with me suddenly after three months and painfully told me he never meant a word he said to me. He tried to convince me I was bipolar and insane and that I was just like his ex who had a severe personality disorder, according to him. I told him after a month of us being together that I was in love with him and he used that as a weapon against me in the end. It was extremely difficult for me to be so open with him and I had a flat out panic attack when I told him. I came from a two year relationship, during which my ex never told me he loved me. I told him I loved him after six months and suffered for another year and a half until we finally fell apart. When I told Andrew I loved him, I had a panic attack and blurted it out, but he said it back and I literally just cried out of happiness. I was overjoyed.

Once that line had been crossed, he was incredibly sweet and attentive. I had heard from him constantly and after the first time we had hung out alone together he had told me that he loved me. I was a little hesitant at first, but I was head over heels in love with him that nothing mattered. We spoke all the time and sent each other emails on a constant basis. We had planned a future with one another including talk of marriage and children.

Hi Sylvanna,I am sorry to hear that you have found yourself in this situation. This man most definitely got into a relationship with you way too far but in my opinion he was looking for comfort as he most likely was in great pain. I admire him for stepping back and realizing that he went in way too soon. If you can be patient, extremely patient and just be a good friend to him for however long it takes then possibly you both could have a future. Remember, this poor guy is emotionally bankrupt as a result of the abuse for his Narcissist ex and even if your relationship had continued on an intimate basis you would probably find that he could not be the man that you wanted him to be as he may have been emotionally unavailable to you as a result of his hurt. He will have difficulty trusting women again but it is good to hear that he is in therapy and while he is taking antidepressants at present, he probably needs them for now as I am sure that he is deeply depressed. At the moment as I said just be a good friend and try not show your true feelings for him as this might scare him away. I know that you both hit it off quickly and you feel that you love this guy but it will take time for him to heal and trust again and there is no way of knowing how long it will take. Narcissists can leave you questioning every single thing about yourself, I know that I was left completely diminishes as a person, not knowing who I really was and why I never saw what the person was doing to me until I began to challenge their behavior. It has the most profound effect on your whole being and when you leave you have to rethink who you are and rebuild your confidence in everyway and learn how to trust people again. You are always wary of others, even friends,, you wonder if there is a hidden agenda etc. All I can say Sylvanna is be there for him without expectations, meaning be there for him as a friend with no conditions attached if you can do that because he will need positive people in his life whom he can trust and trust does not come overnight, it is earned. He has much work to do for himself to recover from the abuse and remember too that sometimes the abuser returns into the lives of the abused so his ex may show up (or not) and if she does she will try and win him back with her charm and whatever other tools she has. I hope if this should happen that this man will be strong enough to know that this is a NO NO and tell her where to go. We can be so deeply hurt that we go back to our abuser as we believe they have changed,,,how crazy is that. I hope this does not happen and that he gets on with the business of recovery. All you can do is be patient and be a good friend. I wish you well Sylvanna and keep us posted on how you get on. Take careRosie

It might help to know that your post has been healing for me. I married on a religious basis and the pain and rejection also started literally from day 1. The whole cycle of losing, regaining, and then re-losing trust in my demeaning Jekyll/Hyde spouse was extremely confusing and traumatising. Years in, when I found the cycle of abuse explained on the internet, it just about broke my heart because it is apparently very rare for someone with that problem to be able to change. At that point I had even gone on fertility treatment for my stress-depleted hormones. Soon after, we split and I now feel safe again and my body has recovered its health. Every time I regret the past, I luxuriate in the peace of the present.

My advice would be to hope you never hear from them again. Do your best to move on. Go on a date or out with friends. Keep yourself busy. Work on yourself and your own issues. Unlike them, we can reflect back, see our faults and mistakes, learn from them and grow as a person.

Hopefully something like this will never happen to you again. If you are crying at the sight of her text asking you for something I think giving an honest interpretation is a Avery healing thing. It was great watching the man who broke my heart and treated me badly run for cover like the coward that he really is. I thought he was great, but was not great and neither is your ex. She sounds like a selfish user to me. It was very helpful to me to confront my ex. I never shed another tear after that. This is a greet opportunity for you to call her out. It is really not revenge, it is the truth coming to the surface. She really has a WAY TO HIGH opinion of herself and absolutely no regard for your feelings. I would write the reference in a professional and matter of fact manner and give her the poor character reference she deserves. Believe me. She requested it and she deserves it. 041b061a72


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